Texas isn't home just yet

Well i'm going to start off by giving you an update about how I've been doing recently... so the past few weeks i've had an awful cough and it was worse but I slept it off last weekend the question is can I keep it away. I've been dealing with hives and swollen hands, they've seemed to disappear for now but who knows with this cold front this week.

This past week I found out my Great grandma died. She was 98, and had been sick with pneumonia. It was time and she's now out of pain. I think what's hardest for me is that I've had multiple opportunities to go visit her these past couple years and thought ill just go next time and last I heard Granny was doing well. And now it seems I've ran out of time. I'm having a hard time forgiving myself but I know she's watching down on me and is feeling alive and well again up in heaven.

It's hard to imagine actually, I found out a week before Wednesday that Granny wasn't doing well. I tried to focus on my school work but when I got the call I just felt like life stopped around me. My DG sister Alex comforted me while I cried at the library. She gave me an awesome hug and I couldn't be more thankful for her in that moment.

I'm still searching for my place here at UNT. Gods been revealing so many things to me and I couldn't be happier but as each week progresses I find myself missing home more and more. Each weekend gets harder and harder. I find myself getting caught up in Instagram and twitter and Facebook. Looking at what everyone else is doing and just reminding myself that I'm a thousand miles away from home. I'm thankful for my grandparents but ill never know what's its like to drive and meet friends on the weekends. I won't get to spend the night in my bed until thanksgiving. And then not again until January. I find myself craving real conversation and genuine laughter but I don't think I've found anyone yet.

These next three weeks until thanksgiving are going to be very long and stressful. Please be praying for a community and people I can be real with and turn to when I'm struggling for encouragement. I can't do this on my own, and I know sometimes I still rely on myself when I need to be relying on God.

Sisters for life

So anyone who knows me I think knew that I wasn't going to rush because it wasn't for me. But honestly I think God called me to these girls and to Delta Gamma specifically. Tonight we had our new member retreat and we did something called Fire Side Chat and the question was "what is a defining moment in your life" and imagine probably 45 girls sitting in a giant circle on the ground. You can imagine that there were tons of tears and all i can say is that every single one of them was just so broken and going through so much pain. It reminded me of how broken our world is and that in this broken world God can make us feel whole again. I got to share a part of my testimony tonight and I've told my testimony a number of times and once in front of a crowd of high school students and have had the strength and boldness to not cry. And tonight everything around me had just gotten to me and I cried about how broken I was and I was just reminded of that tonight and even at church this morning I was reminded.

But when it came down to it, I put it out there for everyone to hear, my identity is in Christ; and I said that my defining moment was my junior year of high school when I accepted Christ. I couldn't even spit it out and I have no idea why, but I hope that God will use that moment and touch those girls lives even if it's in the smallest of ways.

I've been questioning, why UNT, and why certain things have been put on my heart, and tonight gave me a glimpse of why God called me to UNT. I seriously can't wait to become apart of this sisterhood and be apart of my sister's lives in a new way. This is a new chance for me to forget about my past and move on, no strings attached. I'm made new every morning I wake up, every day is a new day planned out by God himself.

Please be praying for each and every one of the girls in my new member class, there was alot of honesty tonight and just alot of brokenness and just so much potential in these girls. So just be praying that I can serve them and love them now that I've said my brokenness and now I can focus on theirs by loving and serving them!