Homesick

I never thought that I'd be saying the words "I'm homesick." Don't get me wrong I love my family and I love being at home but I also love being busy and the result is me never being home.... but now that i'm far away from my home and from my parents, and my dogs. I miss them so much. I knew i'd miss them but I never knew how much until now. It makes me so sad when I see friends in virginia saying theyre going to visit friends at other schools or going home for a football game. I wish I could have that. I wish i could go home and sleep in my own bed with my dog. I wish I could hang out with Katie and all my high school babies. I want to go to maryland to visit Justin. Every time I think about going home, tears are brought to my eyes. You know that saying "Distance makes the heart grow stronger" well that's how I feel. I can assure you that I will probably start crying the second that I see Justin, katie or any of my high school friends like Sydney or Riane.

The thought of being back in chesapeake seriously brings me to tears. I miss it so much. I miss the familiar faces and the wonderful community. I miss the comfort. I use to complain about change. I use to complain about moving. Well not this time, this time it was my choice except I didnt make the final decision God put it on my heart to come to UNT. I love the campus and the school and the people around me. From the beginning i knew deep down that it was where I wanted to go. The only thing that was stopping me from making the decision was my fear of change and the unfamiliar. All through high school, I craved change but when I finally got it i hated it. Looking back, I know it was all apart of God's plan for me here and now.

I can't do this on my own. And honestly, every week i think what the heck am I doing here and think about packing up my bags and transferring to VCU to be closer to everyone and everything familiar to me. I don't know why God has called me here but i want to find out and I don't want to give up on His plan. Everyday I ask for guidance and just comfort because it's so scary being here.

On another note, last week I went to the first UNT Young Life Club ever! I couldn't stop smiling as i sang Don't stop believing at the top of my lungs. Just something about how Young Life does things that hits home in my heart. We had about 20 people there but it was still awesome to be apart of. I think the highlight of my night was watching my friend Carleigh experience club for the first time, she loved every minute of it and I felt so honored to watch her experience it.

Prayer requests: Please pray that when I'm feeling homesick, that I might be reminded of why I came to texas in the first place and how much I've missed being close to my grandparents and other close relatives. Please pray over Justin and I as we work through the beginning stages of a long distance relationship. Pray over loving my sorority sisters with a genuine and bold heart. Pray for balance in my schedule, and for health I'm trying to stay on top of this cold that hasn't quite gotten me yet. Pray over Hickory High school, they have there first club of the year on Monday Night!

Handing It Over

I often forget how easy it is to keep things bottled up and not bring it up in prayer. Sometimes even though I pray about things, I still feel that burden on my shoulders. I think i have a lot of anxiety and tendency to stress out easily and i often to forget that even the simple things like planning my schedule and reading for class need to be handed over to God. I also tend to hold on to the past, I forget that the second after I've committed a sin, I've already been forgiven, even before i committed the sin i was forgiven. But my big struggle is remembering to forgive myself because God's already forgiven me and moved on and to forgive others because just like He's already forgiven me, He's already forgiven the other person as well.

Today was long. That's really the simplest way too put it. I worked all day long and surprisingly stayed off twitter, facebook and instagram today. However, I still managed to get behind in my work. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything out. Let's just say, today was hard but it was needed. At like 9:00 when I got back to my dorm after class and my chapter meeting with DG, I basically just broke down in tears. And for me thats my way of giving everything to God, when I start crying (i've come to the realization) it usually means that I haven't handed whatever it is over to God and I've been trying to do it on my own. I need this daily reminder that apart from God we can't do anything. And somehow in the midst of all this chaos, I've found time to write this blog.... keep in mind it's 2:30 am though. Be praying for the week ahead, I have a design project due on wednesday and then I have my first round of in class tests and quizzes on thursday. 

On a different note, I've finally decided to hand over my past to God. All my fears of being hurt or the past repeating itself, that somehow my past will predict what happens today or in the future. This is another thing that I have to constantly remind myself, is to worry about today, not yesterday and not tomorrow. I think I'm the hardest on myself when I know I did something wrong in the past, I'm scared that I'll become victim to it again. In august, I finally realized that I am free of my past, I had heard it and knew that I was, but I finally felt like i was free from it. It finally clicked that my past isn't who I am anymore. And this past sunday, I realized that I need to forgive those who've hurt me and forgive myself for the things I've done to hurt others. The sermon at church was about forgiveness and my devotional was even about forgiveness. Funny how God speaks to us sometimes right? I love making these connections because than I know that God is really trying to get a message to me. 

Prayer requests would be that I make it through this week alive and that I would rely on God for strength and energy; also for trust that He is going to take care of me and my chaotic lifestyle; that I'd be able to love my sorority sisters well; that I'd be able to love my roommate well; and most importantly to serve Christ which in turn would help me to genuinely love and serve those around me. 

My Young Life Leader

Warning: this will be so long but so worth it, I promise. I could write for hours

I just got off with one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. This i know will make her cry because thats how close we are. In fact I just sent her a text saying what I'm about to say will make you cry. For the sake of my blog and the fact that I dont want to put her last name out there we're just gonna use an initial for her last name. Before I tell you her actual name, let me tell you some things about her. She leads on staff with a nonprofit christian organization called Young Life. She is obsessed with anything related to whales, in relation to that she loves anything nautical: anchors, fish, nautical creatures, etc. She also loves animals in general and if you really knew her you would know that she loves dogs more than cats, it's just everyone gets confused because she has (well now she has) three cat calendars hanging in her office, two of which are the same cat calendar and one is from what 1991 or 1993 or something haha. If you havent figured it out yet which most of you have since you most of the people reading this are friends with us....

                             I'd like to introduce to you....... Katie H. (aka KH, khackattack, kate-ster, kit)

In Young Life, you always here club talks inviting high school students to hang out with their leaders and to not feel guilty about it. They always say that your leaders want to spend every second with you and just live life with you. I took full advantage of this with Katie. From the very beginning, I always wanted to hang out with Katie and go get starbucks and hang out and just have real conversations like the ones we had at Fall Weekend when I accepted Christ. Literally every moment after that, I would come over to her house and just hang out (before she had roommates). She introduced me to all the other leaders and helped me to grow in our Young Life community especially after just moving to Chesapeake  I was just looking to be loved and she showed me the best kind. Genuine Love through Christ. Before I know it, I'm always hanging out with her and we start to have inside jokes and we got to just live life together. Anytime I'd spend the night she'd trick me into spending time with God ( and when I say trick I secretly loved it and am thankful for it now) She would always write so much and she has shared with me recently that she would sometimes just pray for me as I sat in front of her. I always loved and desired (and still do) how much precious devoted time she spent with God. 

They always joke about how high school students want to be like their YL leaders because they think there so cool, and I was definitely one of those students. I wanted to be just like Katie and I wanted to be her best friend. One thing I specifically remember her saying is that she went to dinner at a committee members house with other leaders and one of the other leaders Mezz mentioned how Katie and I share the same mannerisms and that it was just so cool to see that because we'd obviously become that close. I see it wen I look at other students with their leaders that they have the same mannerisms and often time they will pray the same way and little things like that. It's so cool to see how Christ's love works in us to become so close with people that we just start talking and doing the same things. 

Katie has made such an impact on my life in more ways than she knows and she always tells me the same thing. It's funny because usually the typical story is that you meet your Young Life leader in the parking lot after school or at a football game....well i always give katie a hard time because i never officially 'met' her. My two best friends kendall and bridget would always say Hi to her but i was never introduced and she never introduced herself. I just thought that she was a really random ( i knew about YL but i didnt know anything specific) person who hung out at our schoool (typical right?). 

I'm so thankful for her in my life and even though I hated chesapeake because i was moving, I am so thankful that God brought me there it was obviously for a reason.... Him. I am thankful for his will and plans and no one elses. He also brought Katie into my life so that we could just encourage and support each other in different ways. Katie is no longer my Young Life leader (officially, ill explain) she is my Best friend, and now that i'm no longer in high school she can truly be my best friend but in my heart she will always hold that special place of being my Young Life leader that so many of us have. I'm currently trying to stop calling her my YL leader and just call her my best friend. She now gets to help me through college and can actually give me advice about being a leader (hopefully....ill explain in a different blog) and about how to just love people in the real world. We still talk everyday even if it's just a random thought or hashtag or even a Snapchat or funny picture. I miss her alot but I am so excited to see her in about two months.... i know what youre thinking thats still like really far away stephanie but i haven't seen her in two months and the past two months have gone by fast so I'm thankful for that. 

Katie has such an amazing heart and is just an amazing example of what it looks like to follow God's will and just literally serving the Lord with all her heart mind and body to the point where she gets sick. I'm sad that i won't be there to love girls in chesapeake but i pray that she would just love girls everyday just like she loved me and even though she doesnt have as much free time as she use to, God will make that time with lost high school girls so much more precious and meaningful. I get jealous when I see girls hanging out with her but only because I wish I was there, I've been working on it though and I wouldn't want it any other way. I want her to be loving them as much as she loved me so that they can come to know Christ. I miss all the girls I got to love during my senior year and she told me today that they keep asking about me and that was just so encouraging because I miss those girls so much. I didn't really realize it until now, but I spent just about all of my senior year loving those girls and I couldn't have asked for a better year. They had me crying my eyes out at my last campaigners and my last club at Hickory. I'm even getting teary eyed as I type this.

Last but not least, Pray that I would be able to love people around me like Christ has loved me and how Katie has loved me through Christ. I miss loving those high school girls so much and I am really trying to figure out how to serve Christ here by genuinely loving those around me. Tonight, talking with katie and just writing this now has helped remind me of what I love to do and what God has given me a passion and heart for. 

Spread Thin.

Hey friends. So, I'm hoping that soon I will be able to give out my blog to more people so that they can be praying for me too. So just spread the word!

This week has been so crazy already and it's only tuesday. Tonight, carleigh, presley and I all went to UNT College Life. All I can say is that i really miss Younglife back home. Moving here has almost put me back in my shell and i'm clinging to others rather than to God. I really wanted to go up to the area director tonight and talk to her about the email my younglife leader, (and bestfriend) sent her a few months ago and at the end I finally did....however we never finished talking about it but i did bring it up so I guess thats good.
Right now my heart is being pulled in so many directions, I really want to get involved with CRU and I really want to get involved with Young Life and I really want to get involved with Delta Gamma. And of course my grades are always first. And now Delta Gamma has become my second. The decision is between CRU and College Life. I really do love both ministries. And I really need yall to be praying for me throughout this semester as I try and figure out what God is calling me to do.
God brought me here for a reason; just like i feel like He put being in a sorority on my heart; and now i really want to figure out which way He is calling me. I don't want to be spread thin. I really just want to find my home away from home here in UNT.

Please be praying for balance and boldness for me friends. It's so scary being so far away from home and not having anyone to talk to about all of this, like to be real about it with. I have God to talk to so I'm thankful for that.

Howdy from Texas!

 

Hey friends, so I've decided to finally get off my lazy butt and start blogging about my time here in Texas. Forgive me if sometimes I capitalize my 'i's and others times i dont... (see what I did there?) Ignore all punctuation as well. I will probably be writing late at night much like right now and for some reason my 'h' key is misbehaving..... so if it looks like i left an 'h' out thats probably the reason why. Well in honor of moving to texas, i have added in my first instagram picture in texas which was the welcome to texas sign from my car....hence the antenna in the middle of the shot. I have also changed the name of my blog and the colors on the page in honor of going to the University of North Texas in mean green Denton home of the Mean Green Eagles!! I really want to make this blog about how God is working in my life with struggles and with blessings, which is why I changed the title to "Keep Calm and Pray to God" because i tend to worry alot and need this reminder often.... so I'm going to catch you up to speed on what has happened these last three weeks of being here! And then I will go into more detail because some of you may be wondering about a few of the things on my list.... ps stole this idea from my bff's blog, she's going to remain nameless for the time being.

 

 

1. Went to Freshman Eagle Camp

2. Officially moved in to my dorm

3. unpacked for like 10+ hours

4. Met people on my hall

5. Went to Mean Green Spirit Night

6. Signed up for CRU

7. Stalked down the Younglife tent at Mean Green Fling

8. Got a bunch of free stuff during First Flight week

9. Went to my first CRU meeting

10. Decided to rush (yes for a sorority)

11. Met my new sister in christ and sorority

12. Joined Delta Gamma

13. Met with Natasha

14. Took the bus and was late to class

15. Spent way too much money on art supplies

16. Went to the gym ONCE

17. Went to our first home football game

18. Went to The Village Church

19. Skyped with Justin

20. Caught up with old friends

keep in mind through all of this, there has been many tears of joy, saddness, and prayer.

 

For those of you who know me, UNT was a big decision for me to leave my home in sweet sweet chesapeake. I was literally called by God himself out of Virginia back to my other home here in texas. For the those of you who don't know, i am OBSESSED with the Dallas Cowboys and i am happy to be back in Cowboys Nation. I felt on my heart back in december that I was being called here to UNT and I just kept praying and praying like "are you sure this is where i am supposed to be, because Lord i really don't want to start over again." More and more I could feel it on my heart that this is where He was calling me to go. My last few weeks in Virginia, I got really scared and started to wish that I had taken the easy way out and gone to VCU, where they don't have football...which is a must in my book for college experiences (can you tell i'm from texas yet). I continued to pray...

 

When I first got here, I was scared out of my mind and could feel myself escaping into my shell and wondering if people were going to like me or not. I had forgotten what it was like to be out of my comfort zone, more so now than ever because I didn't even have my parents as a friendly face as a reminder that everything was going to be okay. Well the first week was kind of a blur, I moved in, had to learn my way around and get my PO Box and get other miscellanious things done. I met a few people along the way and hung out with people from Eagle Camp. I signed up for so many Christian orginizations at Orientation that I had no idea what was what and I ended up signing up for CRU which i had somehow missed and of course Younglife/Collegelife. 

 

My first organization that I got to go to was for CRU and I met a staff girl named Natasha who had recently graduated from UNT and was a Pi Beta Phi. My two friends (now really good friends) Carleigh and Presley were talking with her about going through recruitment for Greek Life. She started talking about how Christ is working in these broken houses of Sorority Girls. For the record, I had decided early on that sorority life would not be a good place for me and was not what I wanted to get into and had been fighting the pull on my heart to sign up for recruitment...until I heard Natasha say that she really enjoyed loving the girls in her sorority. At that moment, I suddenly felt like i really wanted to sign up for recruitment. I called my mom, next thing you know I was signed up.

 

Fast forward to Saturday (from wednesday) to my very last house of 8 sorority parties. Delta Gamma. I went into the house thinking I'm not going to like this house I'll just cut them. Thats when I met Kathryn. I mentioned that I wanted to get into Younglife and CRU and she literally jumped with joy....while wearing high heels i might add.. when I said this. Funny thing is, Kathryn is super involved with CRU and had been praying for some good girls to talk to. I thought this surely had to be God. This is no coincidence.

 

Fast forward to wednesday (preference night) I go into Delta Gamma or DG and by God's will alone I get Kathryn as my escort AGAIN.  We talked, and this is the most serious night out of recruitment, so we talk a little bit more about our faith and she tells me about how CRU is teaming up with the Greeks to love their fraternity brothers and sorority sisters. She told me about how she cried before the party started because of how she excited was that I had been asked back and that I wanted to come back. Needless to say, I chose Delta Gamma as my new home, I knew that God was calling me here.

 

And although I have really been questioning whether this is right or not, I think I've been questioning it so much because I havent had any support from my loved ones. But I've come to realize that their opinions don't really matter, and although that sounds harsh, it's true. God called me here to UNT for a reason and I fully believe that is one of the reasons why. I have heard countless testimonies about loving these sorority girls and making a difference. I used to want to be in a sorority and now i have the change to do that and help enhance such a real sisterhood already to one that is covered in God's mercy and love. Words can't explain how excited I am. I am ready to see what God has in store for me the next four years here in Texas. I am still waiting patiently to make sure that this is my calling, but I have found encouragement to finally trust that God is working in my life and that I shouldn't be worrying about anyone else's opinions. 01 Corinthians 1:13 speaks wonders to me, God has brought me to this so he will surely bring me through it! It's super late and I know it's going to be hard to get up tomorrow morning, but I will keep you updated on the Greek Ministry that is happening here at UNT as we work alongside CRU to change our campus.

 

 Top Left: Andrea and I with Scrappy; Bottom Left: My new home, aka dorm life; Top Right: Andrea, Katie and I in front of the UNT sign; Bottome Right: The Village church

 Delta Gamma Pledge Class 2012

 Kathryn and I on Bid Day

 First UNT football game at our new stadium with my new sisters. Delta Gamma<3