Handing It Over

I often forget how easy it is to keep things bottled up and not bring it up in prayer. Sometimes even though I pray about things, I still feel that burden on my shoulders. I think i have a lot of anxiety and tendency to stress out easily and i often to forget that even the simple things like planning my schedule and reading for class need to be handed over to God. I also tend to hold on to the past, I forget that the second after I've committed a sin, I've already been forgiven, even before i committed the sin i was forgiven. But my big struggle is remembering to forgive myself because God's already forgiven me and moved on and to forgive others because just like He's already forgiven me, He's already forgiven the other person as well.

Today was long. That's really the simplest way too put it. I worked all day long and surprisingly stayed off twitter, facebook and instagram today. However, I still managed to get behind in my work. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything out. Let's just say, today was hard but it was needed. At like 9:00 when I got back to my dorm after class and my chapter meeting with DG, I basically just broke down in tears. And for me thats my way of giving everything to God, when I start crying (i've come to the realization) it usually means that I haven't handed whatever it is over to God and I've been trying to do it on my own. I need this daily reminder that apart from God we can't do anything. And somehow in the midst of all this chaos, I've found time to write this blog.... keep in mind it's 2:30 am though. Be praying for the week ahead, I have a design project due on wednesday and then I have my first round of in class tests and quizzes on thursday. 

On a different note, I've finally decided to hand over my past to God. All my fears of being hurt or the past repeating itself, that somehow my past will predict what happens today or in the future. This is another thing that I have to constantly remind myself, is to worry about today, not yesterday and not tomorrow. I think I'm the hardest on myself when I know I did something wrong in the past, I'm scared that I'll become victim to it again. In august, I finally realized that I am free of my past, I had heard it and knew that I was, but I finally felt like i was free from it. It finally clicked that my past isn't who I am anymore. And this past sunday, I realized that I need to forgive those who've hurt me and forgive myself for the things I've done to hurt others. The sermon at church was about forgiveness and my devotional was even about forgiveness. Funny how God speaks to us sometimes right? I love making these connections because than I know that God is really trying to get a message to me. 

Prayer requests would be that I make it through this week alive and that I would rely on God for strength and energy; also for trust that He is going to take care of me and my chaotic lifestyle; that I'd be able to love my sorority sisters well; that I'd be able to love my roommate well; and most importantly to serve Christ which in turn would help me to genuinely love and serve those around me.