These past few weeks have been a real struggle for me, I couldn't tell you why now because I just feel so overwhelmed with joy and passion. I just finished Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, I've been unable to put it down these past couple days because I couldn't remember the ending from when I read it like 6 months ago. If you haven't read this book, I strongly recommend it. This book reminded me of forgiveness, and being brought from death to life and just unending love.
This past weekend my high school in virginia went to Fall weekend at the Young Life camp Rockbridge. Rockbridge holds a special place in my heart because that's where i accepted Christ almost two years ago. (It will be two years on november 21!) Since fall weekend of my junior year, I've been back for summer camp, august work crew, fall weekend (again), weekend work crew, and prayer over night. Each time i've gone back my relationship has grown and become sweeter.
This weekend my high school took about 40 kids and the area brought about 160. I desperately wish i could've been there to experience fall weekend again and see the Lord work in these girls' lives. One thing that has been so hard for me is having to leave Virginia and the Young Life community. The college students in VA often get to go to Rockbridge and do weekend Work crew and some of my friends got to do that this weekend and I felt a twinge of jealousy, because I will never get to do that. One of things I looked forward to in High school was getting to do that, and my heart breaks anytime mentions this on twitter or pictures on instagram. I so desperately want to go back and experience this and be with friends in community.
One thing I've realized and Redeeming Love has helped me to see this, is that God has called me to Texas and He has prepared me for my circumstances. In high school, I was one of the only girl seniors at my school to follow Christ and at my school my community consisted of my YL leader and the other senior guys, which wasn't exactly the type of community i needed. However, I did have Miranda and caitlin who went to the other two high schools so I am thankful for that. Any ways back to the point, God has prepared me for the lack of community here in Denton by my lack of community in high school. This was really hard for me to accept because nothing did I want more was to finally have a community to lean on and be with. I've realized now that I've been so obsessed with having people pour into me that I have become selfish and have forgotten about those who need to be loved and poured into.
My passion is blooming and I can feel God working in my heart and finally giving me peace about being here. The weekends are the hardest part for me about being here. I know that this is where I am supposed to be, while that could change I know that this is will make me stronger for my future. Weekends have become harder and harder and I've been trying to control my excitement that Thanksgiving is only two weekends away. Is it bad that I get this excited about going home? I miss my bed, I miss my dogs, I miss my parents food, I miss being lazy, I miss Justin, I miss katie, I miss miranda, I miss Young Life, I miss Hickory, I miss all my babies at Hickory. Words cannot explain the joy that fills my heart when I think about going home. I can tell you right now there will be alot of crying that weekend but certainly tears of joy and not sorrow.
Please be praying, that I stay in the present that my heart would continue to reach out to girls here. Some of my sorority sisters have shown interest in Young Life. I also have been praying about a way to lead or where to lead. Pray for patience, and for peace and comfort. Pray that I would continue to lean on God for strength. Also pray that I continue to trust God with everything in my life right now.
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