That my blog makes no sense and that I don't really know what I want it to be or to say. This is a disclaimer to anyone reading this! (which is probably no one)
I accepted Christ into my life a little over a year and half ago not knowing what it would entail or what it even meant I just knew that I wanted God in my life. Its always a process. What you ask does that mean? I mean when I accepted Christ on Nov. 21, 2010 I had no intentions of officially giving up my party life, or my obsession with boys but that I liked the idea to, maybe, one day be able to WANT to do that.
if you look at my love life, that is what truly represents how my God has changed and continues to change my heart daily. The process of me becoming centered on God has not been easy when it comes to guys. In the past year I've broken up with two guys knowing that what I needed is a Christ centered relationship, and in between these two my heart was taken and then broken by someone I thought was Christ centered. Then I found the second boy that I dated for the entire summer and then came home from WC knowing full well that I needed someone who could push me to Christ. Then I thought I met someone who was "perfect" for me in the sense that I was looking for the perfect relationship that I thought was focused on God. Well it wasn't. Everything was right, we followed all the rules but we let ourselves get to comfortable with the idea of our "perfect" relationship. The boy very much like myself struggles with girls much like I struggle with guys. Making this a very tough situation because of all the walls that had come down and all the promises that had been made. In the end, and the overall point of this drawn out story is that I used to be scared of the future of what would happen to me and my life when a relationship ended with a guy. BUT, I am no longer scared, and I think that's what scares me. I know whole-heartedly that God has something planned for me, something great. He is what I am relying on to stay strong. I think what's scary the most is that I have never been able to trust anyone fully and I trust God with my life. My heart has changed from wanting to be loved by the perfect guy to only wanting to be loved by God. I have made a vow to devote my life to God. And within the year and half that I have had Him in my life I've never once been single and I mean not talking to anyone or thinking about future possibilities. Well today that changes, I vow to be single and to love God only, until he has healed my heart and has prepared it to love someone else in His name but never above it.
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