I just re-read my blogs, which isn't very many. I've come to realize while my relationship with God has grown so much more intimate, I have become less appreciative of the things he does in my life. So I'm just going to touch bases on a few things I've talked about in previous blogs.
-College:
I am officially apart of the mean green family at the University of North Texas. Recently, I have been feeling so confused about going to school there. For the record, I was accepted in to the arts program at VCU. But I wasn't that excited to see that I had gotten in which pretty much confirmed the fact that I wanted to go to UNT. Everyone says you should be able to picture yourself at the school, well I could do just that with UNT. What's confusing is that I have come to realize how much I love the community in Chesapeake and in VA in general. What I love about VA is that when I go to camp, there's no doubt I will see people I know and with plans to lead next year I would know a number of leaders and such. I'm just going to miss it so much.
Hickory-
This semester isn't as bad as I thought it would be since I dropped AP art history. I've gotten into a habit of having a 30 minute quiet time in the morning. What's awesome is how much things have changed at hickory! I sometimes forget to take a step back and just be thankful for everything God is doing because he certainly is changing girls lives at Hickory. Tears come to my eyes as I say this. We had 5 tables full of girls at chikfila this week for bible study. I am so overwhelmed with joy and excitement. This is Gods time to change Hickory. Our goal is to have 30 girls at camp this summer. I fully believe that this is going to happen. This will not only break the record for the number of girls going but the total people going at all for hickory. Tonight some girls are coming over to watch a movie and play some games.
What's crazy to me is that the bible study was one to two girls tops but now it's 5 tables full of girls! And most of them underclass men! I'm just so amazed of how much God has been at work.
Recently, I had the great privilege of sharing my testimony with my campaigner group. It was the first time I hadn't cried sharing it. God has changed me. I am living breathing proof of Gods love. He has changed my heart. I am no longer scared to pray. I no longer feel awkward walking up to girls. I am confident. I am strong. I am full of Gods love.
Something hard for me right now i listening to God. I just had my heart broken again. But what's different is that I don't feel the pain as much. I know it's going to be okay and maybe that's what scares me. But I feel like this isn't over. But I cant tell if its my heart or if it's God saying no he'll come around. I know I said I'm going to be single and I am. It's just so hard to be strong. I am learning to rely on God more and more whenever my heart cringes at his name or picture. I know I need to focus on God. I had definitely lost sight of Him, I just wasnt paying attention. What's hard is that I want him to be happy and if he isn't happy with me then I want him to find someone else. This is the first time I have ever prayed for a guys happiness with another girl. I would rather feel all his pain and mine then for him to be unhappy. I just want him to know that. I feel like I have to be strong. I feel like I have to show him I don't care but I really do.
Okay. I feel like I'm being dramatic. I just have to put it out there or it will eat me up inside. I really want to find my way back to God.
No comments:
Post a Comment