I barely slept at all last night. I went to bed late and I woke up when my dogs were barking this morning and who knows when that was. I could feel myself tossing and turning throughout the night. I never thought this would happen. I feel so blindsided. Everyone keeps telling me God has plans for you Steph, it's gonna be okay. That phrase is so hard to here because I thought that what was happening was the plan I didn't see that this was coming. I wanted to change. I wanted to make things better. But he let go of me.
Relationships are a funny thing. The best kind are when God is at the center. But the hard thing about balancing your relationship with God and another person is that you have to share your heart with someone other than God. And when do we draw the line that we've gone to far with our heart? In a marriage the first person to have your heart is God, the second person is your husband or wife. They get some of your heart.
I knew this would happen. I just didn't want to believe it. I convinced myself that it wouldn't so the second I started to believe it, it was taken away. God, I did turn my back on you, but I knew that and I wanted to change. Did it really have to end? Is this really the end?
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