Life in Chesapeake.

It's a little crazy to think that I've only been in Chesapeake for a year because I feel like I've been here for so much longer. There are still moments when I feel like an outsider (I mean sometimes we all feel that way, right?). A year ago I would've beaten myself up for it but today, I remember that I have God. That I'm living for something greater (someone special told me this, and it has stuck with me). That I no longer need to seek the apporval of my peers. Which believe it or not has been something that I've struggled with my entire life. I've always wanted to be the girl who didnt care what other people thought of her but I could never get to that point. I still struggle with that to this day and lately I've been bringing it to God for him to take away that desire to be known. Some days are better than others, I feel like I go into a relapse of my old self and all I want is to be a cheerleader and to be friends with everyone and to walk down the hallway say hi to like twenty people. Then there are the days that I walk down the hallway and I know I'm just glowing and pouring out His love into those who walk by and it's not because I'm trying. But because I know He loves me and that He is enough for me and that he is all I need. Recently I've been trying to be more vulnerable and share all my struggles with Him and after praying about it for a few days to share it with someone close.

Every day the thought of love scares me. Every day I worry that my heart it going to be broken. Again. Every inch of me wants to believe it, but my natural instinct is to set up a wall. Every day I pray that God will give me a sign and to bless our relationship. And every day I want to pour my heart out to him but every day I hold back. Why is it so hard for us to just believe God is going to protect us? All we need to remember is this bible verse (one of my faves): "No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He will never let you be pushed past your limit; He will always be there to help you come through." 01 Corinthians 10:13. The moments when we are weakest, are the moments that God shows us how strong we can be. He trually has the power to heal your heart. He healed mine. He filled it with his love. I no longer search to fill it with anything, after searching for so many years.