This past weekend was the hardest for me since being home from work crew. I've been running so hard after the Lord but with the blink of the eye I was back to criticizing myself and searching for the approval of others. So many of my friends around me are not followers of Christ. Their thoughts get into my head and I forget that i live for something better. There are so many people outside of my school that support me and push me to follow Christ and recently I feel like I've been neglecting everyone. I'm in one of my phases where I need to get away from everyone and just spend time with the Lord and go back to the basics. I'm trually at peace in my heart in great fellowship with my campaigners group, with the guys and the leaders before club, with work crew friends, with a notebook and pen in my hands. Some days I wish that I could just go back to work crew. I was a different person there. I was bold and I was loving towards everyone and I never searched for the approval of others. That feeling transferred to my school the first couple weeks, and I promised myself when I left that I would not be the one to leave and then lose my passion for God. I am a leader at my school. This is our year I can feel it. Things have changed already and I think that's what's the hardest for me is believing. Believing that all I have to do is love and He will take care of the rest.
I just wanted to share a few things that some people have shared with me as encouraging that just make me want to break down in tears of joy.
"You are such a good image of Christ and I am so lucky to have you in my life. I hope you're doing well and your relationship with the Lord is better than ever (because it seems like it:)) You seem that you're so focused on being a leader in your school and for you friends and its jsut so great being able to watch you through it. (even though I'm not really there)"
-It's so crazy how God works because I have been waiting for this letter and the day that I begin to look for the answers as to why I'm struggling I get this in the mail as encouragement.
"you have such a strong and realistic heart and are so bold and you inspire me everyday to spread the gospel"
-sometimes I wonder if I do this for the complimetns and for being the best ?
but then when I think back to the moment when I accepted Christ all I remember is breaking down in tears because my heart filled up the second I said it. The things Christ has brought me in my life keep me going. My experiences have made me who I am. When I bring my friends to campaigners and club and they thank me for bringing them keep me going. I try so hard everyday to set an example as to what it looks like to follow Christ in high school. It's not easy in fact it's probably one of the toughest things to do.
"For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "Theyre plans for good and not for disaster. To give you a future and hope." -Jeremiah 29:11
Ironically, two people have send me this verse in letters.
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